Freak of the Week #4 -- Dan (Revisited)
06/08/1999
Dan has written me many freakish emails... this one was the easiest to understand. I may put up more on a slow week, by request, or just for kicks.
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From: "Dan Guzman"
Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 01:42:43 -0500 (CDT)
To: <aimee>
Subject: How does it go.
sugar and spice.rime:while sugar plums danced inthere heads,all snug in
there beds.meaning peace comes 2 those whom willingly accept it.try this
happiness is a warm gun,bang bang shoot shoot.sleep on that,its been
real.(not).wheel try again later.he said goodnight.shock the
monkey!burning down the house...........people started getting weird.not
right is it.laughing.hahachucle cafort pLLLL
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Dear Dan,
Thanks so much for the mail, I'm still pondering it's meaning....as well as what
language it's written in. I can't decide whether you are :
1. locked away in a nuthouse where the only contact you have with the outside world
is your webtv and you get so orgasmic over sending email that you lose all conscious
thought and all ability to type coherently.
2. a (really bad) poet whose inspirations are those great hits of the 80's available
on a 3 CD compilation for a limited time only from the home shopping network.
3. from some foreign land and you learned English through 'hooked on phonics', but
could only afford the 'short bus' version. (it didn't work for you).
4. a spokesman for the NRA who has been accidentally shot in the head one too many times.
5. the artist formerly known as Prince. (ever read his lyric sheets?...this is eerily
similar)
6. a psychopath, escaped from the nuthouse in #1, with a penchant for bad poetry and grammar,
subtly sending me a death threat meant to scare me but only succeeding in making me laugh
hysterically while hoping that all webtv users or people named Dan aren't such complete
losers.
I'll let you know when I decide. Until then, please remember to take your medication, go
ahead and sign up for that experimental lobotomy procedure, and I'll leave the light on
for you.
Let's Go Crazy
(Prince, 1983)
Aimee
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